Waiting for Something � Dec. 29, 2001
I Feel

It is finally starting to look like it's Wintertime around here. A few days ago it started to snow and last night the roads got real terrible. I was supposed to do something with Tim, but I never got a hold of him. I was worried sick all night because I couldn't find him and I knew that he had to drive an hour from work in this weather and . . oh my goodness, I don't even know why I was so worried. His away message says that he had to work until 7 so I am going to call him after then and see if he wants to do something. I stayed home from rehearsal because I have a stomach virus but if he wants to do something, I am going out no matter what my deranged mother says. She already told me earlier when Holly called and wanted to know if I wanted to do something, that I wasn't going out. I told her if I get a hold of Tim and he wants to do something, I am going out no matter what she says. Ashleigh is supposed to be coming back over. I don't know when though. I got really stoned last night to get rid of the stomach pains, which we thought were cramps at the time, and then I passed out. That was when they (I will keep the persons nameless) were weighing coke on my table. If I weren't so delierious, I would have stayed up with them, but I didn't feel like doing a rail anyways. I just felt like crap and didn't feel like doing anything. Besides, that would have kept me up all night. Now, I am just waiting for my chance to call Tim. Why can't I just come out and tell him that I like him? I am afraid that he will freak because we have only known each other for like a month. I think that he could make me happy. But then again, I have to rethink this. Is he going to be another Chris who doesn't call and never makes time to see me? Or is he actually going to care and make time for me? These are things that I have to figure out. He is a good kisser by the way. *sighs* I feel like a little girl. Fantasizing about kissing him again.. well not really fantasizing. Dreaming is a better word for it. It was said in my message board that I have to find someone that makes me happy all the time. Yeah well, if Tim would wake up and smell the coffee, I would be happy all the time. I just have to figure out a way to make him realize this. He won't tell me if he likes me. He keeps telling me that I will know in due time. Well I am impatient and I want to know now! Lol. I just realized that I sound like a little girl who is throwing a temper tantrum. I do that sometimes. But then again, everyone does that sometimes. I just want to sit back, relax, and talk to Tim. It would be better if I were in his arms, but I can't always have what I want so right now I will just have to deal. He still has over an hour until he gets off of work so I will just have to sit tight and wait for him to be done with work. Why does it always seem like I have to wait for things??