Agreement � 05.13.03
I Feel

"We're having a girls night on Friday." I was half listening to Holly, half eating my dinner as I craddled the phone between my ear and shoulder.

"Uh huh . . . who is we?" I took another bite of chicken and washed it down with Pepsi.

"You, me, & Amber." She sounded like she was eating something and it was crunching into the phone. She was on break - probably eating potato chips like she always does.

"What if I have plans already?" I was curious as to what she would say.

"Cancel 'em."

"May I ask why you are kidnapping me?" You've gotta love friends who want you to cancel plans.

"Well you know. My boyfriend, Amber's boyfriend, and well your ex-boyfriend are all going camping this weekend and I thought that we could all do something since we didn't have anything else to do." Correction they didn't have anything else to do. Now look at that sentence. Specifically the last part - and well your ex-boyfriend. That's right Holly. My ex-boyfriend. What does him going camping this weekend have to do with my plans what-so-ever? Yep that's what I thought. Absolutely nothing.

I started to wonder if she knew that Adam had suggested that she, Amber, & I drive down there on Saturday afternoon to chill. He had mentioned this to me on Saturday night when we went to the drive-in. Yes, I went to the drive-in with my ex. When Christin found out she told me that she was sending me to a convent because I didn't need men in my life right now. You've gotta love the Big. But I digress. I knew on Saturday that Holly would have to work the following Saturday so that plan of us driving down to West Virginia was out. Yes, they are going back to the campsite where Adam and I met. The campsite where I fell in love with him. I told him on the previous Tuesday that I would like to go back there with them sometime. I'm not sure what possessed me to tell him that. It was probably the alcohol induced state that I was in at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I did want to go back there. Although, I'm sure that it wouldn't be good for my emotions. Not good at all. I'm supporting Adam in his decision to move to Texas. I want him to do what his heart tells him to do. If his heart tells him to stay, that's fine. But either way, I'm going to support him. That's what I always am in the end of things. The ever-supporting ex-girlfriend. Always there when you need to talk. Always there when you need an ego boost. Always there to never let you down. Do I like being that person to so many others? Perhaps. I never gave it that much thought. What I do know is that my life is a mess right now. There are so many things that I want and so many things blocking my path for obtaining them.

Christin told me yesterday that if I called her from South Dakota and told her that I wasn't coming back she would be on the next plane to drag me home, kicking and screaming. Maybe I want to move to South Dakota. Maybe I want a new life. Maybe I just want to get away from all of this - all of the exes, all of the friends who think I should drop everything and do something with them when they have time even if I already have plans, all of the back-stabbers, all of the lies I've been fed, all of the pain I've dealt with. Maybe it's what I need. Maybe Adam is on the right track when he says that he needs to get away from here. Maybe I need the same thing. Finally, one thing we can come to an agreement on. We both want new lives.