I Write For Me � Jan. 02, 2002
I Feel

I didn't make it to school today. I was at the bus stop and all of a sudden I got really nauseous. I came home, called my parents and then sat for a bit to stop myself from shaking. I don't know what's wrong with me but I feel okay now. Maybe it's lack of sleep that's killing me. I am still going to work today so if I go back to sleep I will have to be up by like 3ish. I didn't really want to go to school today anyway, but I still was ready to go. I just .. I don't know I got sick all of a sudden.

I want to state that I do not write this diary for anyone else but me. I write it so I can have a reference of my life when I am older. Yes, I may seem like I am writing for an audience but I am not. I am writing for me and only me. Names will not be changed and I will not lie about anything, so stop asking me to. I don't care if people are upset that I use their real names in here. It would be different if I were using full names, but I am not, so leave me be. I do not care what you think of me; love me or hate me, I am still here and you are still reading my life. This is my journal and I will do what I please with it. If you want to control someone's life, write your own.

With that said, I resisted the urge to call Tim last night after I stated that I wouldn't call him until he called me. I also wrote down 13 resolutions in a notebook. It was funny, going through my closet last night, I found my journal from 1998 - 1999. I was a Freshman. Oh my how childish I was back then. My thoughts were so trivial. I worried about the most stupid things and I didn't have a clue in the world. A lot has changed since then. I liked how simple life was back then. It must have been nice not to have to worry about anything big. Just the simple stuff like what boy likes me now, and what am I going to wear tomorrow. I want those days again. I don't want to have to grow up, and I don't want to have to start worrying about life.

Well, I am going to go and crawl into bed, hoping that I will feel better.