A New Year . . A New Beginning & Obsessed Much? � Jan. 01, 2002
I Feel

The beginning of a new year. Just thinking about this makes my head spin. Last night was okay I guess. Brandon and I went to Ashleigh's party. Paul is pissed off at us because we didn't go to his. Oh well. It was funny though. When Brandon kissed me at midnight, the whole time I wished that I were kissing Tim. Is that wrong? I feel terrible about it. I would love to take things with Tim to another level, but if that isn't possible, then I want to keep my options open. Holly told Brandon to stop dating me and see if I care. How rude is that??!! He told me the next day and I was fuming. I could kill her. Why do people insist on being shady towards me? I haven't done anything wrong, or at least I don't think I have... maybe this is just life's little joke on me. *sighs* I am tired of these little games. Tim's away message says that he is home but he is not answering his phone. Either one of them. So either, he is just not there or he doesn't want to talk to me. I wish that I could say that either one doesn't bother me but then I would be lying to myself and the rest of the world. I really don't know why it bothers me, it just does. It's just one of those things. I guess that I am a hopeless romantic at heart. Isn't there any help for this? I mean I know that I am anuptaphobic, but that isn't supposed to make me fall for someone almost instantly. I don't even know what possessed me to talk to him that day. I just did. And now I am infatuated with him. I resolve for this year that I will not fall for people instantly and I will pace myself. I do not have to be in a relationship and I am no longer calling Tim until he calls me. Oh yeah, I am also not going to bite my nails anymore. Yes, I am 17 years old and I have always bit my nails. Just something I have never been able to quit, but this year I will. And I already started on the exercising thing and the not swearing as much. I can be lady like.. I swear I can. I should probably go and get my shower considering that if I do it any later, I will not sleep tonight and I have to sleep tonight because I have school tomorrow. Ahh yes, the dreaded school returns. How I can't wait to graduate. I just want to get out of that prison and move on. I don't like having 8 classes straight every day for five days straight. I just abhor it. *shrugs* I don't know. I think I am going to get my shower and think of a certain someone... I think I am starting to obsess..