In Light of This Evening's Situations. . . � Jan. 21, 2002
I Feel

This has very possibly been the longest night of my life. I would explain it right now, but I am exhausted, physically and emotionally, and now, I have just read something that has ripped my heart out. I IMed Tim to tell him to call me tomorrow, and well his IM said that he thinks he has met the girl of his dreams... I know that I am not that girl. This is the perfect end to a perfect evening. I am crushed. I think I am in shock of the entire night's situations. Including Paul trying to have sex with me in the bathroom while I was handcuffed to him and then a few hours later, Jason trying to get me to come home with him. Now this with Tim. I really can't deal with this crap. I had an emotional breakdown after Thayne flipped out on me because Paul was dying in his bathroom and his house smelled like weed, both of which I was not responsible for, considering that I was the youngest fucking person there. I went outside and I just cried on Sean's shoulder. My father is right. I am self-abusive. But not in the way of the things that I do to myself, but in the way of the things that I let other people do to me. I put up with a lot of crap, a lot more than most people would, and yet I still have managed not to kill myself. I am going to go and talk to Jada now. I will write more after I have slept and I have calmed down, if I make it that far.