Satisfied � Jan. 19, 2002
I Feel 
Lessons of the MindThoughts of perfect euphoria,
Creep into my clouded mind.
Silent canyons of shooting despair,
Soon pushed much far behind.
Pain forced harshly away,
From this empty cavity clutching my soul.
Destroying my infantile consciousness,
Appearing to be the only eternal goal.
Thrusted, ripped from this dying world,
In this ravenous state of mine.
Crystal white clouds of snow,
Are the feelings now so sublime.
Dripping transparent, acid tears,
Into a deep black hole of thought.
Burning at the wounded emptiness of a pure, innocent heart,
That couldn't conceived to have fought.
Silent demons of hell,
Sting my soul to find,
That the true lessons of the heart,
Become the lessons of the mind.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*I wrote that last night when I was trashed. I am really starting to think that I write better when I am stoned. I mean, it was a lot harder to think about words, but once I got going, they just sort of ... flowed. Although half way through, I got this terrible shooting pain in my brain and I had to stop for a few minutes, holding my temples, but oh well that happens sometimes.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I had fun with Brandon last night. We sat in his room and watched The Sixth Sense. He held me in his arms and it was like I was safe. I haven't felt that way in a while. Then we smoked and started to watch Gone in Sixty Seconds but my brother called and said that he was taking Jess home early and that he was picking me up. I was beyond pissed off because Brandon and I had just started to get *close*. I flipped out on him when I got into the car and we sped down the road. When we got home, I ended up drinking chocolate milk and eating pickles, as my father and brother watched in amusement telling me that I abuse my body with the combinations of food that I eat. I was hungry for both so I indulged myself and ate. I forgot that Josh was supposed to call me at 1am and I fell asleep. He called and my mother told me this morning. I was pissed that I missed his call. I am going to call him around 4 because I told him I had rehearsal until then and then we could go and do something, but we got a snowstorm last night and rehearsal was canceled. The roads are fine by the way, so I don't know why it was canceled, but I am not complaining.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I am trying to figure out the meaning of that poem I wrote last night. I didn't really think about it, I just wrote. I like being able to do that. I like being able to just write. It feels good. I fell asleep feeling acomplished. Maybe I am actually starting to gain some talent as a writer. I mean, I am a published poet already, but I never really am satisfied with my work. Last night, I was satisfied. I actually might submit this one to my publisher. It would be nice to see what they think of it. I think that I am going to start a diary for my poems and for my novels. There is a novel that I want to start and well, I guess that here is a better place than any. The links will be up soon, so look for them.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I finished up my three pending reviews. I just have to notify those people now. I am waiting on two that still need to confirm and then I will be all caught up. With that said, I am satisfied. I think I am going to go and get ready to go out tonight.
