Where is My Prince Charming? � Jan. 09, 2002
I Feel

Nothing really happened yesterday. I had rehearsal and we got our uniforms. They are awesome. I will take a picture of me in it and put it in here as soon as I can. I will probably get one of Preview Show this weekend. Other than that, nothing really happened yesterday.

So, I was out selling ads for colorguard and Rick and Jason saw me and kidnapped me. They took me to dinner at this diner about 45 minutes from my house and we went and smoked for a bit. I asked Rick what would have happened if I hadn't started going back out with Chris. I also told him that I knew that he was interested in me because apparently everyone in town knew before me and then they all started to tell me. He said that he was interested in me and he doesn't know what would have happened. I asked him if I would have been just another Ashleigh and he told me absolutely not. He told me that she was immature and that I was different. He told me that I am more mature than most girls my age and I know what I want and how I am going to get it. I don't know how to take that really. I don't know if I want to get into a relationship with him. I know that he would treat me wonderfully but I am not sure if his inner circle is really what I want to get into. I know nothing will happen to me, and everyone in town will know that I am Rick's girlfriend, something that is not to be messed with, but I just don't know if I want to get involved with all of that. In a way, I have always been in the inner circle. I am friends with all the "big wigs" in town and I am well respected, but it's just like I am there, but I try not to be. I don't really know what to do right now.

Tim hasn't called yet and it's starting to annoy me. I am about to just give up on him. I want someone that will call me back and make time for me, but I know he is busy and I don't want to interfere with his life. I know that he is a busy person but I just don't want to be one of his last priorities. I mean, I don't expect to be the most important thing on his life, but at least recognize my presence! Maybe I ask too much of him. Maybe. But I don't want to think that I am that demanding of a person.

And then there is the new Matt. Well he's not really new, but he is not Ex Matt. I will just refer to Ex Matt just like that so people aren't confused. Anyway, I don't know what to do about him either. I mean, I like him. I really do. And when I started talking to him again, it all came back. He is incrediably sweet and I just don't know what to do about him. He lives about 2-3 hours away from me and I just want him to drive over here.. gracious would that be nice. I just need to stop thinking for a while and let my head clear. Usually, writing does that, but tonight it is just making it worse. I want to live in a fairy tale where everything ends up perfect and nothing is wrong. Where is my Prince Charming?