Sick of Hellholes � 03.22.03
I Feel

In a few minutes I have to start getting ready for formal. I am so excited. I know that I am going to look absolutely gorgeous. I just wish that Tony were here to see it. That would have been nice but I understand that he has things that he had to take care of. I am not his girlfriend, therefore I am not that big of a priority in his life. Although if he ever wants to start persuing a relationship with me, he needs to start making me a priority because how am I supposed to know that he would make time for me if we were together? Maybe this is a lot for me to ask of him right now but if he really wants to be with me as much as he says he does than he needs to start showing it. He had mentioned that he was still seeing Samantha and now that I am single it makes her seem less appealing. I don't know what to take of that. I mean of course I would like him to break up with Samantha for me but that would be unfair to her. I don't know what I should tell him about that situation. Do I really want some other girl to be hurt for my happiness? I would feel awful but if it's his decision then there's nothing that I can do about it. I just wish that I knew how to control what is happening in my life. Things would be a lot easier. Hell, I would probably be much more happy than I am now.

My birthday is in four days. I am very excited. I am finally going to be 19 years old. Yeah, I know I'm young but that's all right. I doubt that it's going to be a very good birthday though because I am not going to be with the people I am normally with. I always spend my birthday with my family and my closest friends and I can't do that this year. I have a feeling that I am going to be spending the day very very depressed and I don't like that thought one bit. I am not supposed to be depressed on my birthday. Then again I am also supposed to spend it somewhere that I want to spend it and the desolate hellhole of Indiana is not where I want to spend my birthday. But, since it's in the middle of the week, I don't really have much of a choice. I am going home in two weeks anyway. Wow. Two weeks seems like a very long time. Especially when I am counting down to it. I just want to go home. I need to go home. Hell I need this semester to be over. I am sick of this hellhole.