An Explaination & Better.. Somewhat.. � May. 02, 2002
I Feel

I suppose that I should have stated earlier that Matt and I are still together. I thank everyone for their concern though. So, how are we still together? After he read the email I wrote, after we had finished talking that evening, he changed his mind. He sat down, thought about it, and changed his mind. I don't know why, and I didn't want to prod so I didn't ask. I would rather just leave it at that right now.. that he says he wants to be with me so he is. Is there just a little bit of doubt in my mind about our relationship now because of this? There was at first, but there is not anymore. I trust that he has good intentions and as long as he is happy and he is not hiding his feelings from me, then I am happy.

I suppose that his breaking up with me was caused by all of the stress of his finals. He said that at that moment he didn't have time for a girlfriend and it's no wonder! No one has time for a relationship during finals week. I know that mine is going to be hell and that I am going to be just as stressed out. But of course I am not going to break up with him because of it. I am not like that. I deal with my problems on my own.

My wrist is feeling a little better. It's not really that bad. I have spoken but a few words to my family today. I would rather not even acknowledge them. They are not worth my time right now because they don't give a damn about me. So what am I going to do tomorrow night since they ruined my plans, most likely in hopes that I would stay in and be depressed? I am going out, getting trashed, and not coming home. I get out of class at 12:45 tomorrow so I will write and do a few reviews before I go out. Matt, sweetie, if you read this, please do not worry about me tomorrow night. I will be fine, I will not do anything stupid, and I will not betray your trust. You have my word. My word is stronger than steel.

Holly is not pleased that our plans got messed up last night. In fact I think that it depressed her as well. But, she is dealing rather well and she was the one who suggested that I go out and get drunk, just to spite them. God I love her. Even though I still feel like shit, at least she made me smile a little bit. She and Matt have been the only ones who have been able to make me smile. I thank them both for that.

Woody insisted this morning that the wound on my wrist was self induced. He knows me too well. But, no I did not do it myself this time. It was an accident. Those happen sometimes and there is not a damn thing that we can do to help it. I am a clutz. I admit it. It's all good though.

So, this entry is pointless, so I am going to go and get some crap done. Maybe I will go and take a shower..