A Letter � August 07, 2002
I Feel

To you:

I don't know what to say really. You've completely swept me off my feet. I love every minute of it, but there is something that I am not telling you. I am terrified. I am afraid to love you and afraid to get hurt. I am afraid that you will begin to act like all the others. I am afraid to trust you, to touch you, to do anything. I am afraid. Fear has overcome me and it is consuming my every being. A wise person once told me "I ran because I was afraid of being in love." I now understand what the person meant.

But I don't want to run. I don't want to be afraid, and I want to be happy. I just don't know how I am going to do that. I am so terrified of everything right now and well, I don't know what to do. I do things that I think I am expected to do and well .. it's hard. It is hard for me to let go of my inhibitions and just free my soul. I cannot do that. If I do, I will get hurt. I am only protecting myself. I am the only one I have to protect.

So here I am, afraid to run, but afraid to stay.