Awful Dream � 01.06.03
I Feel

I had the most awful dream last night. I did eventually talk to Tony by the way. He apparently had gotten into a car accident. He is okay but his car is not. I feel bad that I was so pissy with the email I sent him and the message I left on his machine. I knew something bad happened. I had a God awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. Anyway, the dream didn't make anything better. I dreamt that Tony raped me. I woke up crying, white as a ghost, and trembling. How terrible is this and what does this mean? I hope that this just happened in my mind because lately I've been reading a lot of BiPolarGirl's stuff and I was thinking about him before I went to bed. The dream absolutely terrified me. I am really freaked out right now just even disucussing the dream. The dilema right now is, do I tell him about the dream? And what the hell do I say? "By the way you raped me in my dream last night. I woke up before you could kill me." I am sure that would go over beautifully. Why does my mind have to do things like this to me? This was the most graphic dream I've ever had in my life. Well except for the ones I've had where the details of my multiple molestations were played out in my head again as I slept soundly as a teenager. But those were only so graphic because they actually happened. I don't know if I should take this dream as a sign or if I should even analyze it more. It's going to bother me if I don't figure it out soon.

Gah Tony has no concept of time. He told me he would call me in five minutes, almost a half an hour ago. I am going to buy him a watch with a timer, I swear. It drives me insane. Another random note, I might do something with Matt tonight. I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving break so this should be fun. Haha maybe we could go skinny dipping in the river! That would be awesome. Well that's all the time I really have to right at the moment. I am doing some hacking shit for my father. I so love when my family uses me to do their dirty work.