Back � September 02, 2002
I Feel

"I want it to end and I want to scream and cry and do something, but I know that I cannot. I cannot let him see what he has done to me." - Me

I've realized now that I should explain that last entry. Adam and I had a long talk last night and he said that he doesn't know if he wants to be single or not. Well that cut me like a knife. Holly and Amber tried to cheer me up but it didn't work. I went out with my parents today and I didn't smile once. I don't think I know how to smile anymore. I am sitting here wondering what to do. I am trying desperately not to cry because I cried so hard last night. But it was okay to cry last night. I was home. Now I am back on my own and I have put myself behind my wall again. I don't know why, but I just feel safer when no one knows what I am thinking or feeling. I don't want anyone to know that I am hurt. I am sure that Eric will see right through it though. He always does. And Kelly might. Who knows. All I know is that I don't want to be here right now. I want to see my friends and I want to be in my bed and I want to be home. But that can't happen right now. I am at school and I have to be here. It sucks and I don't like it. I want my boyfriend back.