Comments From the Peanut Gallery & Black Jelly Beans � Mar. 12, 2002
I Feel

name: gwen

message:

when it comes to andy you seem to be very immature for your impending age. you are jealous of chelsea and if you admitted it to him it might help. but playing silly games is just stupid and isn't going to get you anywhere. he loves her and you need to let go.

date: 11:51 am - Tuesday,March 12, 2002

What? Is this one of Chelsea's friends that somehow managed to find my diary? I really can't keep myself from laughing at this one. Let me explain a little history about Andy and myself before people start making any more assumptions that I am still in love with him, which I am not by the way.

Andy and I met very close to 6 years ago online. Yes online. We were young, stupid, naive, new to the internet, and 12 years old. Well, actually I had just turned 12 and he was 11. His birthday is a few months after mine. He and I became very close, very quickly because we had so much in common. Two smart kids with no where else to turn but the internet. We had the same goals, the same interests.. basically everything that defines a friendship when you are little. About a year passed, and Andy and I fell in love. Despite the huge distance between us geographically, we were happy with one another. That lasted for about a year and a half. One day, we got into a fight about something (it was so petty that neither of us even remember what it was about, but we remember that we fought, because I wrote a poem about it) and we stopped talking for a few months. We refused to acknowledge each other. One day, I decided that I wasn't mad anymore (as children often do) and I Instant Messaged him. Things weren't ever really the same. We watched what we said to one another and we talked about stuff that meant nothing. I had changed and so had Andy. We both knew that.

For about two years, things stayed like that. We were polite to one another and still talked to one another, mainly because we just felt obligated to. That is when little Chelsea came into the picture. Now, I was fine with Andy having a girlfriend because in those two years I had had my share of boyfriends, too numerous to count (which still seems to bother him), and he seemed happy. One day he mentioned to me that she had lied about her age. This was after we had turned 16. Chelsea had said that she was 16, but she was still 14. She would turn 15 later on in that year. Andy seemed upset when he had told me that she lied, and that was when I realized that I did not, and would never like the girl. I did not tell him this at first, because he was my friend and we had just started getting back to normal again, but I hated her. I detest liars, and well frankly, she lied about the most petty thing, other than a person's virginity, in my opinion. I would have been fine with her if she had come out and said real age to begin with but she didn't. She lied to him and she hurt him. I don't like when my friends are hurt. When I finally told Andy that I did not like her, we got into another huge fight, worse than the original one that we had, and he blocked me for almost a year. We were 17 when he realized what he had done to me emotionally. My only true friend at the time, had finally turned his back on me. He was the only person who knew literally everything about me, and he had turned his back on me. I was crushed.

One day, when I had just turned 17 Andy Instant Messaged me again, telling me that he was sorry for what he had done. It turns out that my friend Jada (my brother's ex) had Instant Messaged and told him what he had done. The bond of friendship that we still had made him realize that I was still his friend and I always would be. He knew that I still didn't like her. Then, what made it worse, he explained to me how she would break up with him every few months, hurting him more and more each time, and then calling him and wanting him back. What exactly was little Chelsea doing in this time? She surely wasn't sitting at home twiddling her thumbs. I began to hate her even more because she was hurting my friend.

Recently, Andy and I have gotten closer, but he has realized that I am a completely different person. I have grown up and some of the things I have chosen to do, do not please him. In fact, he hates it. He hates every guy that I have ever dated and continues to blast every single one of them openly to me. I even went so far to telling him that the only guy he would ever approve of me dating was him. He had no comment on this.

The other night, when we had that conversation that was documented in my diary, it started because he made yet another comment about my chosen lifestyle and the guys that I choose to date. That comment was derived from a fight we had a few weeks prior about me being too busy to talk. He just assumed that my guy "friends" were more important to me and flipped out. Last night, we cleared things up, and the conversation was finished with him agreeing with me that Chelsea was not good for him. That comment totally surprised me because I never expected to hear that from him.

Gwen, I appreciate your.. um advice, but really hun, don't put your foot in your mouth. It was stupid and inconsiderate for you to even comment like that in my guestbook. You can't publicly try to blast me in my own guestbook and get away with it free and clear. I don't need my friends to fight my battles, so don't expect that. If any of them do, well then more power to them for being my friend. I have enough conflict in my life without having to deal with comments from the uniformed peanut gallery which has been turning into a Romper Room lately. If you knew anything about my past with Andy before hand, you would have realized that you are the one being immature by trying to insult me in my guestbook. It didn't work sweetheart, because frankly, all you did was make me laugh and incline me to tell the history of my past in here. Kudos for trying to piss me off though. Even if you didn't succeed, it was a valid attempt. Ooh! Maybe next time you can try to make fun of my intelligence because I am blonde! Now there's an original idea!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So, now that I have cleared up that little mess, on to more amusing things. (As if anything can get more amusing to me than that!) Today in the lunchline I found myself staring at the cake that they offer. The school always offers some sort of stale cake and today, it was vanilla cake with vanilla icing and it had a single jelly bean on top of it. Now, no one ever gets the cake as it is because well it doesn't taste like cake, but that isn't what amused me. I was looking at the colors of the jelly beans on top of the cake slices and I happened to notice 4 or 5 pieces that had a black jelly bean on top of them. As if the cake weren't deadly enough, it had the dreaded black jelly beans on them.

No one I know likes black jelly beans. No one! What is our school thinking? For a few more minutes, I stared at the black jelly bean infested cake and wondered if I should just take a piece and stomach it somehow. I actually felt bad for the poor little black jelly beans. No one likes black jelly beans, not even me, and I love jelly beans. They are almost considered a food group in my eyes. I thought to myself, how would I like to be the unpopular jelly bean? Somehow I related this to my social life and realised that I am not the black jelly bean, nor will I ever be. I am too social for that. And like my life, I still shunned the black jelly beans. They are the outcasts and well, I don't talk to the outcasts. Horrible yes, but that is just how I am. So, I disregarded my sympathy for the black jelly beans and moved on in the lunch line.

So, I guess you are all thinking now, "What the hell does that have to do with anything?!?!" Nothing really. The black jelly bean fiasco just amused me. Probably to a degree higher than it should have, but when you are bored and tired, you become amused easily by things that can capture your attention for more than two minutes. *shrugs* I guess, now that I have made you all more stupid, I shall go and do my homework.