Close � 06.04.03
I Feel

I feel myself getting closer and closer to Alex each day. The first thing I know this from is the fact that my empathetic feelings are starting to kick in. I finally realized what my headache for the past week or so has been. It got really bad last night. I could barely open my eyes. And where did this headache start? Right above my left eye. This headache was caused by me feeling Alex's pain. Yesterday, it was awful. Today it's not so bad, because everytime it starts to hurt, I go to sleep. Sleep is my only refuge. My father told me that after Alex's surgery my headache might go away. It might take a little longer for it to disappear because of the delayed distance effect, but eventually it should go away. That's the bad thing about being an empath. When you get close to someone, you feel all of their pain. You suffer, even if they aren't feeling it. Even if they cannot feel their pain, you can. I am only this close with a few people outside of family. The others I have known for years. It is for this reason that I realized how close I am getting to Alex. Another way I realized that I am feeling closer to him is that the other night, Jada brought some of her guy friends over. I was already in my pajamas, my hair looked like crap, and I had no makeup on. I knew they were coming over and I didn't change what I looked like one bit. Normally I run a curling iron through my hair and throw on some makeup, but this time I didn't even care. The guys tried to flirt with me and I shrugged it off. I didn't care. All that was on my mind was my boyfriend. After they left I realized what just went on and I was shocked. I always care what I look like in front of guys that don't know me and this time I didn't give two shits. I didn't even think twice about it when she said she was coming over and bringing Eric & Jason. I just continued to sit at my computer and talk to friends until they got here. But, you know what? I like not caring what other people think of me. I like knowing that no matter what, Alex is still going to think I'm beautiful and he's still going to love me. It's a good feeling.

His surgery is tomorrow. I am a bit nervous. He's leaving around 8am. I will definitely be up to talk to him before he goes because I don't know when he's going to be coming back. He doesn't know either. His package didn't come today. It should be here tomorrow. I hope he got the address right. The one I sent him didn't arrive today either and it should be there by tomorrow. Amber said she was going to give it to him when it arrives. His surgery is at 2pm. It should take a couple of hours. So, I'll have a few hours of worrying until I hear something. I really hope that Amber calls me as soon as she hears something. I just know that tomorrow I'm going to be a wreck. But, I'm going to stay strong for the both of us. The sooner this is over, the sooner we can be together.