Depressed.. again � Apr. 28, 2002
I Feel

I almost told Matt that I loved him last night. Granted, I was really drunk (thus the lack of an entry yesterday) but when I am drunk is when I let go of all of my inhibitions and when I am most honest. Maybe it was all the noise that kept me from saying anything, or maybe the fact that he was pissed off because someone got on the phone and told him that I was really hot and that they were trying to get me drunk, but I don't know. I so desperately wished to tell him, but I held back. Maybe the time just wasn't right, or maybe I was just too drunk, but I didn't conjure enough guts to tell him. The fact that I have actually come to terms with the revelation that I love him scares the hell out of me. How can I be completely in love with someone after a month? Granted I have known him for quite some time, but... oh hell I don't know! Love does not know time. That is all I know. I don't even know how I know this. I just do. I don't know anything else right now! I just wish that I weren't so depressed. It just kills me that I cannot be with him every second of the day. *sighs* Once again, more drama is added to my life. I think that the gods have something against me. I really do. I just wish I weren't so depressed. That would help me sort things out at least...