Dear Matt � Apr. 07, 2002
I Feel 
Sorry for once again, the lack of updates, but well frankly, I am being very lazy as of late. I slept for 13 hours today. We got 5th last night at Championships for colorguard. I am not going to express my emotions on that in here right this minute, because well, that will take forever. I will update this past week in here tomorrow, but right now, a letter.
Matt,
Words cannot express how happy I am right now. There is still so much that I want to tell you, but I fear that if you find out what I have to say, you will run like the rest. I do not want that to happen, so I stay silent. Silence is my only comfort. Knowing that you do not know what all I have endured assures me that you have no reason to run. I constantly run from my past and try to forget, but I know that in my heart, the things that have occurred will never disappear. I long to be in your arms again, and Saturday cannot come soon enough. People think that I am crazy because of our distance, but I do not believe it to be that far. I know that I am strong enough to handle this, but I am not sure if you are. There is so much that I do not know about you as well, but I assure you that I look forward to finding out all of the little things.
Please do not hurt me. I have been hurt so much in the past that it has become almost unbearable. What this next year will bring, I do not know, but I hope that I am able to spend it with you. Do not worry about my silence. It is not because of you, or who you are, but because of what you might think. I want to tell you, I really do. I am ready to tell you, I just do not know if you are ready to know.
I do trust you.
I don't trust me.
I miss you and I count the moments until I can hear your voice once more.
With love,
Christina
