Long Ass Entry � March 26 - April 2, 2002
I Feel 
March 26, 2002So, today I am 18 years old. Do I feel older? No, not really. I mean, it's not really that big of a deal is it?? Well, of course it is Christine! Ashleigh brought me home from school and I went and bought her cigarettes. We went over to Anthony's house and smoked a birthday bowl and then went to Mike's house and I drank a beer or two. Then we went back to my house because we had rehearsal and then we found out that rehearsal was canceled because 8 out of 17 people couldn't be there. The stomach flu is hitting our area hard. So, after that, I just kind of lounged around the house, enjoying the rest of my birthday.
Ashleigh got me this really cute wall plaque of best friends, an orange tank top, and khaki shorts. Holly got me a stuffed bunny, stuffed monkeys (!) that have friends forever written on the butts, a black tank top, a really cool necklace, graduation socks, and some really good smelling body stuff. From everyone else I mostly got money. I told my parents not to buy me something this year. So, thank god they listened. I hate when they buy me stuff for birthdays and what not. They gave me life, I need nothing more.
Matt sent me a card! It was so cute. I am still mad at him for getting me stuff for my birthday, but I am kind of curious as to what he got me. Sean wants to do something sometime this weekend to celebrate our birthdays (his is today as well) but I don't know if I will have the time. I will have to check my schedule.
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March 27, 2002
I started Spring Break today and it was nice. After school I went to work and then after work Ashleigh and I went over Mike's house for a party. Ash left relatively early and around 1am or so everyone else cleared out. Mike and I sat around and talked. Then we went up to his room to watch television because it was cold downstairs. We layed in his bed and talked about things that have happened in our lives until about 3am.
He wanted me to stay over but I realized that I hadn't called my parents to let them know that I wouldn't be home and it was too late to call so I just came home. I am tired.. *yawns* It was nice to be able to connect with someone the way I connected with Mike. He is a nice guy. It just felt so good to be able to sit and have a good conversation with someone for hours and not get bored. I think that he might be interested in me, but he is 25 and that might be a little bit too old. Oh well I will see what happens later on down the road.
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March 28, 2002
"I would love to find a relationship that is like ours was, but I doubt that I ever find one."
"Chris, I am not the one who gave up what we had...."
That is how my day started out. I woke up and came online, only to have my ex tell me that. Of all things to tell me, that! I know that he won't find a relationship like ours was because I did everything in my power to make it perfect! I bent over backwards to please him and it just didn't work. Why is he fucking with my emotions like that?? Why now? Why ever? Why can't he just stop trying to play with my head? I hate when he does this. I hate when he uses the power that he knows he has over me. He knows that I am like putty in his hands whenever he feels like playing around. It's terrible. I just wish that I could forget about him and move on.. but alas, I find myself still hopelessly stuck in love with him. Maybe when Matt comes home things will be easier. He comes home tomorrow and we are going to spend the day together. That will be nice. Really nice.
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March 29, 2002
Matt came home today. I had an awesome day! Well, besides the fact that my alarm didn't go off and I didn't wake up until 1. Matt and I went out at around 4ish (it took me that long to get ready!) For my birthday he got me Paintshop Pro 7.0, Photoshop 6.0, Linkin Park - Hybrid Theory, Queen of the Damned Soundtrack, Dashboard Confessional - The Places that You Fear Most, Jerry McGuire, Save the Last Dance, The Sims, and The Sims House Party. He is sooooo sweet. I almost killed him though for all of that. He didn't have to get me anything. I didn't want him to get me anything. After we watched Save the Last Dance, we watched Romeo & Juliet. During the pool scene (near the beginning after they meet at the party and are making plans to get married) he asked me out. Of course I said yes!!!
Then I called Holly and she told me that Tom and all of his friends are starting shit so we went over her house and I bitched them out on her phone and then Holly had to go in because she has to work at 8am. Matt and I drove over to Amanda's house (Bill, a friend of Tom's, girlfriend, where they were all at) and we sat in her driveway for a few minutes. Then they got in a car and started to follow us but when we got to the main road, they wouldn't follow us! So we drove over to Bill's house and called them from there, telling them that we were going to fight them tomorrow. We will see what happens.
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March 30, 2002
Tom and Bill weren't picking up their phones today and told Tim to tell me that they don't know why I was mad. They called Holly a slut and a whore (and some other things that are too numerous to sit and name), and Heather called me a cunt! Why am I mad?????!!! No one calls me that word! No one! I don't even use that word that often. I detest that word and anyone who calls me that is bound to get their ass beat. So, we got bored with trying to get them to answer their phones so I could kill them and we went back to Matt's house.
Holly was reading some book that got her really upset and I sat outside with her for a good half an hour, freezing my ass off, while she was crying in my arms. Then she sped off for home. I was worried about her. I hope she made it home okay. When I went back inside, Matt and I layed on the couch for a little while and I couldn't get comfortable so we moved to the floor. We were just laying there, him holding me, and kissing every so often (oh my god is he an awesome kisser!) and then somehow, when he pulled me closer to him, I pinched nerves in my back. I am in so much freaking pain.
I wanted to stay over but tomorrow is Easter and I have to go to church. My mother wouldn't have been too pleased if I didn't come home tonight, considering that tomorrow is a holiday. So I finally got home around 4:30ish and I played The Sims for a while (man is that game addicting!!). I am tired so I am going to go to bed.
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March 31, 2002
Happy Easter! It's not really one of my holidays but my family celebrates it so what the hell? *shrugs* Today was mildly uneventful. I went to church, went to my grandfather's house to eat dinner, and then came home. I was sitting around my house and relaxing when Holly called my house and told me that Tom and his friends found out where I lived and were on their way over to my house to kick my ass. She came to my house and then we called them and told them to bring it. We went and got Brian and Heather (Holly's cousin, not the one who called me a cunt) and came back to my house and waited for them.
They had a bunch of people and all my friends in town just magically showed up on my porch and we started arguing. Then Amanda and her boyfriend started backing away when I started flipping out and they got in their car and left. No one started fighting, because I kept my cool and my temper under control and about 2 hours later, we got everything settled without anyone getting hurt. I really wanted to put people in the hospital too!
Matt went back to school. I miss him already. I can't wait until he comes home again. Holly and I are going up there for a weekend in the middle of April so that will be nice. There isn't really anything else to write about so I am going to go to bed.
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April 1, 2002
Work sucked big time today. We were slammed and we only had three people working. I wanted to scream. I came home and worked on my hand sculpture for about an hour and a half. It is starting to look good. Then I came online and talked to Matt for a few minutes and then I went and played The Sims for a few hours. Yes, a few hours. The only reason that I stopped was because my stupid boyfriend in the game (yes Matt) tried to cook, caught the house on fire, Christina (me) tried to put it out because the fire department was taking too long to get there, and she burned to death. I freaking burned to death!!!! And then a little silver urn appeared on the kitchen floor. That was just too much for me in my delerious state so I decided to just quit, without saving of course (I can't have a happy family without me!), and came online. I emailed Matt, talked to Tiara for a bit and here I am writing.
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April 2, 2002
Okay so I know that this entry was really long and I feel like explaining why I put a whole week into one entry. I have been very busy, as you can tell, so I didn't get time to put entries in here. Half the time, when I did have time, I either couldn't get an internet connection or Diaryland was down. So I wrote the last week's entries on paper and I am just getting around to putting them in here. I was writing! I swear! I am not in the least bit tired which is really weird because it's almost 4:30am. I have to go back to school on Wednesday and I am not happy about it. I can't wait for summer to come. I don't have to go to school and I get to see my boyfriend on a regular basis. No more of the every other week crap that I am going to be dealing with for the next two months. I know that I can deal with it though. I can make this work. I want to make this work. Strangely enough, I am hungry. Really hungry. But I don't want to throw my system out of wack so I am not going to eat.
I am really happy now that I am with Matt. Seriously, I am. It's weird. Holly asked me yesterday what I would do if Chris wanted to go back out with me and I looked at her and said "I would tell him that I am willing to be his friend, but I will not go out with him again. I do not give third chances." I was able to say that and mean it!! Honestly mean it! This is a good thing. This is a really really good thing. I am happy with my life right now. I really am. Now all I have to do is finish that hand sculpture, finish my research paper for British Lit., read some Psychology, clean my room, and I will be all caught up with life. Oh life is good, life is good. By the way, if you haven't figured it out by now, my new layout is not going to be up today. I hope to get it done on Friday, but if it doesn't happen, I am sorry. I just got a bunch of new things to play with, that can make it better, so I am going to hold off until I learn to use them. My new layout will be good though. I promise! Now, it's off to daydream.
