Erotic Dreams & Insane Jealous Rage � Feb. 11, 2002
I Feel

My sincere apologies for not writing in 4 days. I have managed to get good reason though. One: My friends insist that I spend less time in front of my computer screen and more time with them over the weekends. Two: I have colorguard rehearsal and work. Three: I have too much homework. Four: Everytime I knock my total number of pending reviews down to 4, I get another one. I constantly have 5 reviews to do. I will get them all caught up soon. I swear I will. So, I realized that I have neglected my own diary and I feel terrible for it. So, here goes the first entry in a while.

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Yesterday when I came home from work, I fell asleep. Considering the fact that I did not sleep the night before, I welcomed it with open arms. I slept for a good four hours until I made myself get up to eat dinner. But, it's not the sleep that bothered me. It's the dream that I had for the entire four hours. I dreamt that I was having sex with Paul. This is one of the only erotic dreams that I have ever had, and about Paul of all people. I don't think I could tell him that I had a dream about him. That would be very very weird considering the fact that I have finally managed to get him to see me as just a sister of sorts. Now, here I am, dreaming about him. The tables have certainly turned. I am not really sure what to think of this dream. It's strange really because when I woke up, I was content. It wasn't until after I thought about what I had just thought that I was extremely bothered. I am not supposed to be dreaming erotic dreams about my friends, let alone Paul of all people. What is wrong with me lately? Could this mean that I am secretly attracted to Paul? Or maybe it is just pent up sexual frustration. I really don't know, and I am not going to dwell on it too long because I really need to sleep tonight.

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Today at work I became insanely jealous when Bekah was flirting with Brandon while he was bagging for me. I was really really annoyed and I wanted to smack her. And the strange thing is, I really like Bekah. She is the sweetest person I know. I just had this overcoming jealous rage that was making me want to hit her. And Brandon, I know could see that I was angry because I wouldn't talk to him for a half an hour after she left. Why do I get jealous when other girls talk to him? I am not in a steady relationship with him. In fact, I doubt I ever will be in one. I have plenty of guys that like me, so why am I hung up on Brandon right now? What is my problem these days? And why did Brandon smirk when he saw that I was pissed? What the hell is up with that? I really don't like all of these emotions that are swirling around in my head right now. I am at a loss because I don't know what I want and I know that if I figure that out, I will be a lot happier, and my life will be a lot easier. I will not be as stressed, and I will be content with my life. I can get what I want. I just have to figure out what it is exactly that I want.

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I am postponing the launch of my new layout until this weekend when I get time. If I get my monsterous to-do list done for it then it will be up this weekend. If I don't well, then I will just have to postpone it longer than expected. I really am happy with the layout right now though so once everyone else sees it, I will get your opinions on it. Then I will know if I am going to keep it or not. I probably will though, considering the amount of time that I have put into this one. It will be interesting. Then, after that, I will begin to work on Geralyn's layout and then Toni's, and then Emily's, and then Naked Reviews March layout. I can do all of this. I know I can. Now, it's off to finish off my homework. I guess this will surfice for an entry of sorts.