Happily Ever After � Dec. 22 & 23, 2001
I Feel

*sighs* Oh wow. This weekend surely has been something. Tim understood about me not going up to Seven Springs with him. Last night I did a ton of crap and I got trashed, as usual. Today I had to go to work at the butt crack of dawn and we were slammed. Then, when I came home, I called Tim, like I promised I would. Did I mention that I talked to him on his phone all weekend? It was cute. Anyways, so we decided to go to the mall and then we went to his friends house. When we were at the mall he walked with his arm around my waist and I was just content. When we went to his friends house, we cuddled a bit and he was holding my hand and he was kissing my forehead like Chris used to do. Then on our way home he held my hand for a bit. Then when we were in front of my house, I kissed him on the cheek. I looked at him.

"I guess I will have to settle for kissing your cheek since you won't kiss me." (long story behind that but I don't have the energy to tell it right now) He smiled at me, looked in my eyes, and kissed me. Yes, that is right. He freaking kissed me. I got out of the car and I was beaming. I was freaking beaming. What the hell is wrong with me? It's like Chris never existed in my world. It's like he never broke my heart to begin with. I called him yesterday and when I hung up the phone, I felt nothing. Not loss, not despair, not heart broken, not depressed - nothing. I was fine. It amazed me. I think that I healed. Surprisingly. I don't know how I did it. I guess I just found someone else that I click with. *shrugs* Life is funny like that.

I guess that all I really want is someone to love me. I mean really honestly love me. Not lie to me, not cheat on me, just love me. But I guess that is all anyone really wants. And yes, I know that my friends love me, but it's not the same. I just want to know that someone cares about me and that they will never hurt me. I don't want to be hurt like I was in the past. I have learned to deal with it and I just want to be happy. I thought that Christmas would be bad, but surprisingly, it's not. Well, it's not as good as it could be, but it's still not horrible. I am not constantly depressed and I just want ... to be happy. I know that someday I will be happy. Someday.. I guess all I really want is to live in a fairy tale. I want happily ever after.