Extremely Fucked Up � 03.01.03
I Feel

Holly is over an hour late and frankly I am pissed off. She isn't answering her cell phone either. If she even blew me off for her boyfriend I am going to lose it. Apparently, according to my friends that still live around here, she does that a lot and then makes up bullshit excuses for it. We always said that we would never let a guy come before friendships and if she is doing that to me, her best friend, I am going to flip out. I never once did that and I sure as hell don't expect her to do that to me. She doesn't get to see me all that often. I would expect her to be happy to do stuff with me when I am home, not blow me off like she sees me all the damn time. And even if she did she shouldn't blow me off. That is just rude and she has never been like that. I guess I am not the only one who has changed in our circle of friends, which I am beginning to find out is diminishing on Holly's side because she is pissing everyone off. I should have never set her up with Swags. She is only fucking up her life because of him. I mean it's great that he makes her happy but she has to realize that she is losing all of her friends because of it. She doesn't know how to balance relationships and friendships at the same time. It just doesn't work for her. She always has to choose one or the other and this time I guess she chose the guy. Do I actually have a right to be annoyed? I believe I do. Once she finds out that I am with Brian she is probably going to blame my not coming home all semester on him, but he isn't the reason I haven't been coming home. The reason I haven't been coming home is that none of my friends have been giving me reasons to come home. I would rather stay at school and have things to do on the weekend than come home, sit on my ass, watch television with my family, and play around on the internet. I hardly get to see my friends when I come home. I have concluded that if I stay away for long periods of time and then randomly come home, in this case Spring Break, then my friends are more apt to want to see me because they haven't seen me in months. That could very possibly be extremely fucked up reasoning but oh well, I like it. It suites me well because I am extremely fucked up like that.