Friday The 13th � 06.13.03
I Feel

You know I always complain that my parents are really annoying and that they are always in my business, even though I'm an adult, but what I don't ever realize is just how lucky I am to have parents that care. I was speaking to Amber today and I never really understood why she and Alex don't get along with their parents until Amber started telling me things about them. It seems to me that their parents really don't care that much about their lives. I honestly couldn't imagine my parents not caring about what went on in my life. I couldn't imagine my parents not supporting everything I do, even if they don't agree with it. I realized that I truly am very lucky to have the parents that I do. They care about everything I do in my life. Yes, it gets annoying at times that my mother is constantly reading over my shoulder or my father is making up crazy stories to scare me out of doing something that I'm set on doing, but at least it shows that they care about my life. I mean, without my parents I wouldn't be the person I am today. I wouldn't be as strong as I am without my father. He has pushed me to do almost everything I have achieved in my life. I never wanted to be seen as a failure so I made myself into an overachiever. Yes, at sometimes I got frustrated with always having to seem perfect, but it really did make me into a better person. I realize this now. So why didn't they tell me that their reason for annoying me all my life was to make me into a better person? I presume that their reasoning is that they wanted me to come to this conclusion on my own, as an adult.

Amber got into a car accident today. According to what my mother told me, it wasn't her fault. She is all right but she has a broken arm and her car is totaled. I feel really bad. She seems to be really depressed. I really wish that there were something I could do to make her feel better. She hates Alabama with a passion and just wants to go back to Dallas. I honestly don't know what their father was thinking moving them there. The only people they know are family and Amber doesn't like to hang around her cousin all the time because all she wants to do is go to the casinos. I presume that could get annoying after a while. I told her that we could spend time together when I go down there, after Alex and I get back from Dallas. We are going to Dallas because Alex's friend Rachel died in a car accident the other night. Yet another trauma added to our lives. Today is just not a good day. But, it's Friday the 13th. What did we expect? Alex didn't get the plane ticket tonight so I'm wondering just when he plans on getting it. I spent the evening very depressed and I'm not even sure why. I guess in a way I feel neglected. I can't even explain why! That's what is driving me nuts about it. I don't even know why I feel this way. Alex is wonderful to me and I'm still depressed. I don't want him to feel like it's his fault because it's not. But, I know he'll read this and he'll take it wrong and he'll feel bad about himself. He's not a bad boyfriend. He's amazing. I love him so much and I don't want to picture my life without him. I can't picture my life without him. I really can't. I just am so afraid that I will make him feel bad about something because I'm so moody all the time, but really it's not his fault. I just get moody like this and it's something he'll have to get used to. It doesn't mean in anyway that I don't love him. Wait, why am I even explaining this? It should go without saying. Lots of things should, but it doesn't seem to turn out that way. Damn Friday the 13th.