Friends? � September 11, 2002
I Feel

Well somehow I fell onto the college casual sex bandwagon. Yes, I slept with Shaun. Don't ask me why, don't ask me how, but I did. How do I feel about this? I don't know. I honestly don't. I am still trying to figure out if this is a rebound thing or not. I pray that Adam doesn't read this because this does not in anyway mean that I don't care about him still. I do. I really do. This just sort of happened. I doubt that it will happen again because I don't think I like the idea of casual sex. But my god, I can't even walk. It's terrible. I have homework that I have to get done and I don't feel like doing it now. I just feel like relaxing. I have so much that I have to do tomorrow. Like cleaning my place. And doing all kinds of homework. And working on my layout.

You know what I realized. I want to cry right now. Because I wish that it were Adam that I had slept with tonight. I honestly do. I feel like utter crap right now. I really do. How and why does everything remind me of him??!! It shouldn't and it does. I hate this. I really do. I hurt so badly deep inside right now that it wasn't funny. Mike told me that I needed that. I don't think I needed to sleep with one of my friends. I think I need to have Adam back in my life and at the rate I am going, I will never have him back.

On a more depressing note, I would like to send out a prayer for all of the families of the victims of September 11, 2001. Today shall be a day of mourning. God bless my country and those who are fighting for it. On that note, I am going to do my homework and go to bed. I have to get up very very early.