Running Away � September 10, 2002
I Feel

So it has been a week that Adam has been out of my life. Why haven't I really written much? Too depressed to do anything really. My weekend sucked and I just.. miss him. Terribly. I imagine in 12 days that I am going to be absolutely terrible because that was our anniversary. I think I will be okay.. I hope.

I think that I have fallen into a self destructive stage. I went to a party last night and I didn't come home until 10 am. I just didn't care how drunk I got last night - I was that depressed. I don't know if I should be worried or if I should just shrug it off. I just don't know anymore. I don't care anymore either. This is my way of dealing. I feel out of the loop from my friends. Adam feels weird talking to me. I am isolated up here. Well at least from everything that I am used to. It sucks. It really does. I wish that I had never gone to college and then Adam wouldn't have had a reason not to trust me. He wouldn't have complained about the distance. We might still be together. But no. I am here and I am stuck. All of my friends up here told me to make him jealous. I don't want to do that! That will hurt him and I don't want to hurt him. That is the last thing on earth that I want to do. I mean, why would I intentionally hurt someone that I love more than life itself? Contrary to popular belief, I am not a bitch and I don't want to hurt Adam. I love him. This song reminds me of him.

I don't want you

To give it all up

Leave your own life

Collecting dust

And I don't want you

To feel sorry for me

You never gave us

A chance to be

And I don't need you

To be by my side

And tell me that

Everything's all right

Just wanted you

To tell me the truth

You know I'd do that

For you

- Hoobastank ~ Running Away

The whole song reminds me of him but I am too lazy to type the whole thing out. But you get the point. When I first realized what all the lyrics meant to me, I started bawling my eyes out. It's terrible. I cry for no reason now. I think I am going to go back to my days where I never cried. No one could hurt me then because I didn't let anyone in. I will be happy because no one has the chance to hurt me damnit. I am sick and tired of being hurt. I just want to know why he's still running away.