What I Want? � September 05, 2002
I Feel

Today was a bad day for depression. I kept thinking about Adam and I wanted to cry. Of course this was only when I was by myself because I wouldn't dare let anyone else know that I was upset. Everyone has told me that they are sorry, well I have been sort of indifferent to them. I was polite, of course, but I didn't just start bawling my eyes out like I wanted to.

I would like to thank Eric for burning me the entire RENT soundtrack and The Best of RENT.

Now back to the depression thing. He told me the night that we were breaking up "Did you ever stop to think what I want? All I read in your diary is what you want." Yeah well duh, it's my diary. But for that reason I am going to make a list of what Adam wants or wanted. This shall be interesting.

1.) To be loved.

2.) To be single. (for unknown reasons too)

3.) To not be made to feel like shit. (Which is what he told me reading my diary makes him feel.)

4.) To be happy.

5.) To not have his parents be on his back.

6.) To do what he wants to do, instead of always bowing down to a girl's decisions. (Which was not my fault when you don't tell me that something is wrong!)

7.) To be the dominant one. (And fyi, I am able to be submissive.. I am just not used to it.)

8.) To be able to communicate better.

9.) To make more money.

10.) To be less stressed.

Okay I am running out of ideas here so if you'd like to fill me in on what I've missed Adam, it would be greatly appreciated. Now, I would like to state a disclaimer so I do not get bitched at for this entry.

Disclaimer: This entry was not meant to offend anyone. Please do not use this against me. Thank you.

So that was my disclaimer. Well I don't really have anything to write right now so I am going to stop this pointless babble.