Here's Your Death Wish � 01.16.03
I Feel

I just realized that I failed to mention in an earlier entry that Tony lied to me about his age. Now, we all know how pissed off I get when people lie to me. If you lie to me you might as well be signing a death wish with your own blood. Seriously. Well, I was mature about it and before I flipped out, I let him explain his reasoning, something I have never ever done before. He said that he thought I wouldn't talk to him because he is too old. So, I thought about it for a few minutes, in my state of absolute shock, and decided that I wasn't going to make a big deal about this. *Picks everyone's jaws up off the floor.* Yes, I know that it now may seem like I am playing favorites because in the past, as soon as someone lied to me I either A.) beat the living shit out of them or B.) Never spoke to them again. But I decided to take this situation and deal with it using my newly found adulthood. I told him that I would forgive him and that while I was in shock, it was okay. I also told him that it was going to take me a while to be able to trust him again, but I think everything will be just fine.

I am very sorry that the previous two entries didn't get posted until today but I was too busy as well as exhausted to get into diaryland and put them up. I just typed them out and saved them to my hard drive and that was it. I also am sorry that they are so short. When you have six thousand things to do, it's hard to stick to a New Year's resolution of writing in your diary every day. It's really difficult to find time but it's something I need to do. Not because I feel obligated, but because in all honesty it's my sanity. I need to be able to let all of these emotions go everyday or else they will catch up to me. I do not want to see the outcome if that ever happens. So that is the reason for that resolution and I believe that I am sticking to it rather well. It's been a very long time that I have written for 16 days straight, let alone multiple entries. We will see what happens this weekend though. I am attempting to get home but my mother told me she isn't coming to get me because the weather is supposed to be bad. My friends are working on this one. I am going to try to get home tomorrow, no matter what. I have lots of obligations this weekend that I need to fulfill and I intend on doing them damnit.

I got an hour of sleep last night. I was on the phone with Tony until 4am and then I couldn't fall asleep until around 5ish. I got up at 6:20am because of my College Writing class. I had seven cups of coffee in me and by 9:30, when the class was over, I was wired for sound. I went to the bookstore and sold back my book that I didn't need for my College Writing class and I bought my big little chocolate covered pretzel balls. I went to the Greenhouse to give them to her and she was very very happy because she wanted chocolate at that present moment. So I stayed over there and bonded with her, Liz, Korie, and Vickie until about 3:30, even though I was exhausted as hell. It was really nice to spend time with sisters that I never get to hang out with though so I didn't mind. I eventually came home because I was tired and I was developing a headache that I wanted to sleep off. I went to sleep and woke up at 6:30 with the migraine from absolute hell. I am currently dealing with it and I am not in a very chipper mood. I took four Aleve, my allergy pill, my birth control, ginsing, and my vitamin all at once and now I am waiting for the Aleve to take effect. It's been two hours and still no results. I hate having such a high tolerance to pills. I really wish I had some of my mother's strong ass Ibuprophen right now. Yes, that would really be nice. I am not going out anywhere tonight now because of the migraine and that in a sense is a good thing because I have a ton of homework that I have to get done for tomorrow. And I want to get ahead so I don't have to do any over the weekend. I am going to go and play some games at game night in a few minutes to relax, come back and do my homework, get a nice hot shower, drink some tea, and talk to Tony at around midnight. Yes, staying in and relaxing tonight is a good thing. I need a break.