I Am His � May. 09, 2002
I Feel

I got to see Matt for a few minutes tonight. It was nice just to be able to hug him. He came over to say hello and to get his hooka (spelled right?) for the weekend. I leave for New York tomorrow. I will be handwriting entries and they will be up on Sunday night after I get home, if I don't get home too late, and if they aren't up then, they will be up on Monday night. I am excited. I am going to have so much fun up there. I will miss Matt though. He smelled good tonight.. kind of natural. Don't get me wrong, I love the way he smells normally. He wears Candies for men and that drives me wild, but he just smelled natural and nice tonight. I wanted to just take him with me to New York but that just isn't possible. He has next Friday off so I might get to spend some time with him. That would be wonderful. Maybe he can pick me up from school. That would be nice. Considering that I am going to have to spend all Saturday and then Sunday night studying for finals, which start the following Monday. I can't bomb my finals like I would like to, because frankly, I have to do good on them. The second day of finals, I don't have any so I can study more for my two that I have on Wednesday.. my two hardest ones. Spanish and Psychology. Fun fun stuff. I will be so glad to be finished with school. It's so close I can taste it. Oh crap I just realized that I can't spend Friday with Matt because that is the night of my banquet and he decided that he doesn't want to go. I would really like for him to go, but well, it happens. And considering I wasted $25.00 on his ticket, because he told me he would go, and I can't get a refund on the reservation... *grumble mumble* oh well, I want him to be happy and if not going makes him happy then I am fine. I also just realized that I am screwed for studying on Saturday because I have to go to rehearsal on Saturday morning, then I have to go and deliver my fundraiser stuff, then I have a choir concert on Saturday night. This sucks royal ass! I am fucking screwed!

I just want to say fuck it all to everything and just spend time with my boyfriend. I want to be able to see him for more than 10 minutes, but I can't right now. That is fine though. I have dealt with harder shit. I can deal with this perfectly fine. As long as I am 'with' him, I will be fine. As long as I can still talk to him, I will be fine. I am good at things like this. And I really care about him. I just don't want him to break up with me because he never sees me. I hope that it doesn't bother him. Things will be easier when I graduate because then I can just work around his schedule. I won't have much of a schedule to work around myself, save work and testing for college, so it's all good. Whenever he has time to see me is fine. I love him and that is all that matters. As long as I am his..