I Am Like Clay � Jan. 30, 2002
I Feel

I love pottery. I just love clay. I love how I can mold it into anything that I want and how it feels between my fingers. I love the mushiness of it and I just .. love clay. I am very happy that I have Ceramics as my last period of the day. It is very calming. I really have to start throwing again at home. But that would entail me having to go out and buy another potter's wheel. I still have my kiln, but I broke the wheel so I will have to buy a new one. There's about $2000 that I have to get. Hmmm.. I think it's a good investment though. I would love to get an electric wheel. We only have one electric wheel in school and the other three are push wheels. You get tired after a while on them. I was working on my coil pot today and I couldn't figure out what I was going to add to it and then I decided on my way home that I was going to do something oriental. I think that it's a wonderful idea. I can't wait to get started on it on Friday. We have a demo tomorrow so we don't get to work with clay. *gasp* Oh well I will deal. Clay is just wonderful. Someday I will take a picture of all of my favorite pieces and I will put it on here. Then you can see that I am not only a writer, but an artist as well. I love the arts. They are my passion. I wish I could figure out a way to record me singing and I could put that on here too. There is just so much to the real life me that hardly anyone that reads this can experience and well, I just wish that you all could. Then you might be able to see that there is more beneath this outer shell of mine that only shows a superficial high school girl. I am deeper than that. I just wish that people would see that. I wish that everyone would see that. But alas, I don't see it happening anytime soon. So, until that day comes I will just continue to portray myself as the silly little girl that people think I am. Until then, I will not show the world the true me, for they might not like the true me. I can't be molded very easily, but well, you can try. There's never any harm done in trying. You know, I really should start taking my own advice. Then I might be happy. Maybe I really am just a self help video who keeps replaying itself because I haven't gotten the point yet. I know that there is something more to life than what I have experienced. There is always something more. I just want to find that something and make the best of it that I can. People can only make you feel bad if you give them your consent. Well, I am not giving anyone my consent anymore. I am going to start standing up for myself again and if people don't like it then tough. Deal with it. If guys are intimidated by me because I am not a damsel in distress, oh well. That's life. It's their loss, not mine. There's always something else to the clay. Something deeper. I am like clay. Mold me how you wish.