Just Deal � 03.15.03
I Feel

Today was yet another day that I did absolutely nothing. Does that surprise you? I personally was shocked! I went to my old high school's colorguard show last night and they took first so I was happy. It was nice to see all of the girls again. I really do miss colorguard. I got to see David and Carrie as well which was cool. I am definitely getting back into colorguard next year. I have already decided this. I miss performing. Performing is what I am good at so I am going to continue doing it. I just have to get my rifle work back up to my standards. There was a point that I could bust out a five and not think anything of it but now even my quads are shaky. Oh well I am not going to bore people with colorguard terms that only I understand.

Everyone has been asking me if I am all right. What am I supposed to say to them? No, I feel like my insides have been ripped out and then wrapped around my neck, which in turn is slowly suffocating me. I doubt that will go over very well. So in answer to that question, yes I presume I am doing as well as can be expected. There isn't much I can do to make anything that has happened this past week better. I can't make Brian my boyfriend again, nor do I want to frankly, I can't bring my cat back, and I can't control the fact that my brain is screwy and causing me to black out and have seizures and what not. So I guess I am just dealing. What else is there to do? I am not going to walk around in a depressed haze like my father has been doing as of late. I refuse to get like that. I've done that too much in my life and I am stronger than that. I know I am. I am just going to have to deal with everything and take it one day at a time. Although having Ebola on my lip doesn't make things any easier.