Just Typical � 12.05.02
I Feel

There are people in this world who spend a majority of their life searching for acceptance. I have realized that I am one of those people. The strange thing about this realization is the fact that I have been accepted all my life. I have never really had a problem with that. That is what I do not understand. Why, if I have been accepted for so long, do I even care so much? I would like to believe that I am not a superficial person but really, I am. I believe that to be one of my biggest flaws. It's something that I don't understand about myself. I claim over and over that I don't care what people think of me and deep down inside, I really do. I am not really sure how I came to this realization but it has been eating at my brain. I can understand why the people who are not accepted by society have a need for that acceptance, but is the same true for those of us who are already accepted?

I was told the other day that by being in a sorority I was in a higher social class. I don't believe that for one bit. I still went to the same parties that I go to now and I was still friends with a majority of the people I am now when I wasn't in a sorority. I think perhaps, that is why fraternities and sororities get such bad names. Other people have told me that I was paying for my friends - that I was paying to be accepted. That is another thing that I don't believe to be true. I was already accepted before I pledged. The true reason for me joining a sorority was to get myself out of the depression that had occurred when Adam broke up with me. I needed to do something that would keep my mind off of him and joining a sorority seemed to be the best idea at the time. Sure, there were instances when I started to seriously doubt my actions, but in the end it was worth staying. I don't consciously long for acceptance but I guess I have a fear inside of me that refuses to go away. I don't ever want to be one of the social outcasts. I can't imagine how terrible that would be. I guess you could say that I am one of the sheep, being hearded along with the rest of the flock, but I am fine with that. Honestly, as strange as that may seem, I am fine with that thought. I know that I have my own individual tendencies, but there are some things about me that are just typical.

On a side note, in the middle of this entry the fire alarm was pulled and we all had to trudge outside in the freezing cold and I smashed my finger in the door. I swear I am the only person who can possibly manage to hurt themselves in a fire drill.