Late Night Conversations � 10.26.02
I Feel

Gracious am I exhausted. I was on the phone with Adam for three hours last night. Now, I've already been asked "What on earth could you have talked to your ex about for three hours?" Simple. Life. From that conversation I had with him last night, I now have a better understanding of him than I did when I dated him as strange as that may be. We just talked and it was nice. It was really really nice to be able to just talk to him like I used to. I have to go to the store and get him something for his 21st birthday because I will be home that weekend. I'm not sure what I will get him, considering that I suck at shopping for guys and he doesn't dress the way I am used to guys dressing so that would just be a bad thing if I bought clothes for him. Although I did see a really cute black, turtle neck, Ralph Lauren sweater in the mall the other day when I was looking around for Christmas presents for my brother. I don't know if he'd wear it though. But he would look good in it. I asked him how his sister was doing and he told me that she and her boyfriend had broken up but she was okay with it. I am glad that she is okay with it, but I couldn't forsee them breaking up. They seemed happy enough, but well I guess I didn't know what went on behind closed doors so I couldn't really judge how happy they really were. I've realized lately that the person on the outside looking in never really can judge a relationship and how it is going because they don't truly know what goes on behind closed doors, when no one else is around. I told Adam how Brad told me that I reminded him of a chipmunk and Adam died. He was the one who first started calling me that. I'm not offended to it anymore. I got used to it. Now I think it's cute.

I realized today how much I miss colorguard. I really honestly do miss it. I don't miss freezing my ass off and having late night practices, but I miss performing. It's going to be worse when Winterguard starts up because I love Winterguard. I honestly think I am going to do a winter guard next year. It's too late to now. All the ones that I would even consider joining have already started rehearsals and most likely have half of their show done. Besides, I am too busy right now to do guard. Maybe once I get my life in order I will. But until then I just have to sit back and miss it. I should probably bring my rifle up here if I even want a chance at making Top Hats next year. Kelly, my old instructor, still believes that I can make it, even though they are one of the top guards in the country in the independent circuit, but I am not so sure. Maybe if I practice and get my quads and fives solid again I will have more confidence. I can still do a two turn under a seven foot silk so that doesn't worry me, even though I will probably never have to do that in a show. It's just something I have fun doing because no one else I know can do it. Wow I got off on a tangent there.

I talked to Tim last night before I talked to Adam. Actually I talked to him on the phone and then I talked to him later online because his cell phone was dying. I can't wait to see him this coming weekend. I really can't. Tim is a great guy. And he makes me laugh. I like people who can make me laugh. I don't do it that often. I am not sure what is going to happen when I see him again though. Hell I am not sure what I want to happen. I haven't really given it that much thought. But I am not going to continue on that subject because I will start gushing and that is always a disgusting thing. I have webpages to do so with that, I am gone.