Lots of Thinking � 02.04.03
I Feel

Tee hee. That's all I can say right now because I am all smiles. Brian asked me out in the wee hours of the morning today. It was like 4am and it was so cute because he actually seemed nervous! I didn't even bring it up this time. We were just sitting there talking and he asked me what we were considering ourselves. I told him I didn't know and that I had already asked him that and he avoided the subject. Then he went off on this big thing about how he really liked me and all kinds of stuff. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes. I am estatic right now. There aren't words to describe it. So now I am taken. It's kind of a nice feeling but now I am going to have a lot of explaining to do. First off I have to tell Tony. This is going to be very hard because I do care about him a lot. I care about Brian too and the difference is that Brian is here I will be in New York in three years and while I would like to think that Brian and I will be together for that long, it's not probable. Especially with my track record when relationships are concerned. Most college relationships don't last all four years. So I am just going to see how things go. I know that Tony will be upset and that is going to be hard to deal with. Probably harder than I want it to be but I have no control over that anymore. I won't ever break up with Brian to be with Tony if he magically decides to move down here or something. I know that won't happen and even if it did, I am not that kind of person. I don't break up with someone to be with someone else. That isn't fair and I am a fair person. I am not sure if I should wait until Tony calls me to tell him or if I should send him an email or what. I am so confused on how to deal with this. I don't want to hurt him but I know that thi is going to hurt him. Gah how do I get myself into these messes? I have a lot of thinking to do right now.