Promises Not to Break � May. 06, 2002
I Feel

"I'll be perfectly honest with you. All of my friends hated you."
"I know. It seems that everyone hates me."
"I don't. And I have all the reasons in the world to hate you."
"I know. It's kind of nice."

That was part of my hour long conversation with Chris this afternoon. Why on Earth was I talking to my ex for an hour? The ex that broke my heart twice, destroyed me, and left me alone to pick up the pieces? Because I was online and he told me to call him. So, me, being the pansey that I am, called. I ended up talking to him for an hour. It didn't even seem like it was that long, but it was. Go figure. Parts of that conversation bothered me. I really wish I could just see him as a normal person, instead of someone who completely destroyed everything I knew as safe. I trusted him and he destroyed that. He shattered it to pieces. And yet, I still talk to him. I can't picture my life without him. Of course, during that time, I mentioned my wonderful boyfriend and how happy I was. He congratulated me for some reason, but I heard a hint of jealousy in his voice. When you know someone as well as he and I know each other, you can detect even the slightest emotions in their voice. And he and I know each other inside and out. Every emotion, glance of the eye, and sound. Don't ask me how, we just do. So thus, I am not going to get rid of our friendship, even though he drove me to insanity.

I just got off the phone with Matt and I feel a little better. He promised that he wouldn't break me. He couldn't seem to figure out where I got that idea from.. hmm.. I wonder. But well, all is good now. I just now have to find the time to be able to put this promise into practice. I am thinking next weekend. I will get up and go to rehearsal. Then I will come home and sleep for hours, then I will go to my choir concert, and then I will go over to his house and put this into play. That way I won't be tired. It's all good. God I miss him and he is 10 minutes walking distance away. I should just get up and go to his house but I have to sleep. Sleep is a good thing. Yes, sleep, and dreaming of my boyfriend is a good thing. I think that I will go and do that now..