So Damn Predictable � 10.22.02
I Feel

I love being woke up at 3am to find out if my ex has called to apologize to me. No, I have not received a phone call from him but I have also not been in my room because gee.. I have a life. I should probably check my voicemail for my room phone so I can figure out who has called me in the past two weeks.. I will do that tomorrow. I am still on the phone with Jada. I asked how I came into her conversation with him last night and she told me that he still reads my diary for amusement. My diary is not here for amusement of others. If you find amusement from my diary, that is fine but I am not sure how my morbid life could possibly amuse anyone. I have actually been told that my diary is rather depressing. So how anyone could find amusement, I am not sure. Well, so now I am in an even better mood now! *note the dripping sarcasm* My wisdom teeth are killing me, my back is on fire, my head is pounding, my eyes feel like they are going to fall out, and now I get phone calls at 3am about my ex, the one person I do not want to even hear about right now. People make me want to scream at times. Honestly. My day was hell. I am in pain, I am annoyed, and I am on the fucking phone at 3am and I am not even sure what the hell we are talking about. All I know is that now I am wide awake, I am never falling asleep again, and there is so much going on in my head that I can't even begin to sort it all out. I don't know what to do about Harry, I don't know what I feel for Tim, I don't know what he even thinks of me anymore, I am still deeply hurt by Adam, and Jim is just a whole different story. I just want my life to be normal again!! I want to know what is going on in my head. Hell I want to be happy again. *sigh* That's all I ever really want and yet, I can only seem to achieve it for short periods of time. My life is so damn predictable anymore that it makes me sick. I know that no relationship I get into is ever going to work out because I am just not a likeable person. I have come to that conclusion now. I have no hope in guys what so ever anymore. I thank my last three exes for that.