Sexual Prowess � Feb. 23, 2002
I Feel

I am not going to write about the funeral because that will just depress me. I am just going to say that it was very hard. Wednesday night I went over Rick's house and stayed until 2:30am. He kissed me. A lot. And I enjoyed it. I must say, I did, and now things are akward. I was supposed to call him at 2am but well I am not sure if I am going to.

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Well, it's past two now and I didn't call so oh well. Maybe I will call him in the morning. After tonight, he deserves it. But I am not going to get into that too much.

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I went to see Queen of the Damned with Holly, Sean, Amber, Sean, John, Carmen, Vanessa, Woody, and Jen. That is an awesome movie, but it reminded me a lot of Chris. Chris and I had this Vampire fetish and God do it miss it. Just the feeling of him biting into my neck was enough to drive me wild. I miss that.. Where exactly did this come from? I have gotten complaints lately that I am not very open in my diary. I realized that this is true. I have.. shyed away from telling what I really was thinking about for fear of what people would think of me. Well, I am over that now. I would rather people know the real me, than the fake me. I am a lot different from when Chris and I were dating. Chris.. well he gave me a new sense of sexual prowess. I am more adventurous than I was before. I am willing and open to try many many things, but my fetish? Biting. I mean honestly, drawing blood. And not even so much me doing it, but recieving it. Call me weird, sick, crazy, whatever, but that is just how I am. It drives me wild. And I know many many people are thinking.. "Oh my god is this too much information" but I don't care. Deal with it. You asked for the real me, now you are getting it. Now, I don't seem like the type that is into biting and whatnot, but surprise surprise, I am. There are a lot of things that people do not know about me. I think that's kind of fun. That is why I remain so mysterious when it comes to things like this. But I will no longer leave people completely in the dark. Not anymore at least. Now, let me be completely honest here.. when Chris was in all black.. I wanted to rape him. Especially when he had his red contacts in. He had them in when I lost my virginity to him. It's just my thing. I am darker than most people expect, considering my blonde, bubbily, cheerleader appearance. But well, there's a lot of things that people don't expect from me. I am very turned on by the dark things. I guess that is what attracted me to Chris the most. I wonder what he would do if I started dressing goth.. he's never seen me like that.. and well, I think he would love it. But too bad, he can't have me. Not anymore at least. Oh well, I know that this isn't very long but I have a phone call to make. More open-ness tomorrow.