Sure Of It Now � 03.10.03
I Feel

Brian broke up with me a few minutes ago. I am not exactly sure what to do or say right now. I am going to go over to see my Big in a few minutes because she is worried about me but I am waiting for Tony to call because he is worried about me as well. In fact, everyone I have talked to in the last 10 minutes or so are extremely worried about me. What people don't realize is that I now have better ways of coping with this sort of thing. Yes, I am depressed as all hell right now, considering he told me that "it just wasn't working out" and it was completely unexpected but I will be all right. I mean I did have my doubts but I never thought any of my fears were actually true. I thought I was just getting myself all worked up for nothing. That is what everyone told me. I am not sure what to do right now. I just want to scream. I want to do something, but there is absolutely nothing that I can do. I am not going to fight him on this because well I just don't have the energy to do it. Everything seemed fine last night when he was over here. He was just tired and cranky. I am in shock I guess. After he broke up with me he just sat there and stared at me. I don't know if he was expecting me to say something but I just got up and left. What was I supposed to say? I haven't determined yet if I wish to remain friends with him or not. I don't generally keep that much contact with people who have seen me naked. Everyone keeps telling me that I am too good for him and that I can do better. If that is the case then why did he break up with me? This is some seriously fucked up shit and there's something or someone behind it. I'll be damned if I don't find out what is going on. And so another chapter of the saga I call my life is put to a short and sudden end. God has a personal vendetta against me. I am sure of it now.