Stay the Same � Jan. 11, 2002
I Feel

I guess that I should explain my entry from last night. First off, at work, I got a piece of lint stuck in my eye and it became so irritated that I couldn't even see out of it. There were no eyedrops in the office so I decided that I would just flush it out with cold water. Well, in the bathroom there, the sinks are really low to the ground so I had to contort myself in this weird position to even get my eyeball under the sink. Then, the shock of the cold water against the burning, irritated eye forced me to slam my nose off of the porcelin of the sink. The instant reaction from that was to jerk upwards, smacking my head into the tile wall. Because of this self-induced concussion, as I said last night, I was about as coherent as an 85 year old quadriplegic on oxygen. Now, as for the letter. No, that was not written to Chris. That letter was written to Tim and I doubt that he will ever hear it. I am too chicken to read it to him. He will think that I am nuts. I am not even sure what possessed me to write it. Maybe it was my delerium but every word was true. I guess it takes a concussion for me to be honest with myself.

My midterms today went okay I guess. The Economics one was 125 points and I probably got a C or something. I know that I didn't do *that* good since my studying didn't last very long last night as I drifted off to sleep unwillingly because of the concussion. And well the Spanish one? It was 300 points and I either did okay or really bad. It probably is the latter of the two but I don't really care about midterms if you cannot tell.

Jada wants me to go out with her tonight and I might. It is also Amber's birthday and everyone is going to Holly's dad's house because he is putting the house on the market on Tuesday. Everyone is sleeping over for one last time. I do not want to go because I know that I will cry. I have spent 7 years of my life in that house. It has always been there and I knew that I could always go there when I was upset or scared. It was like a safe haven to me and now, tonight will be the last time that I ever set foot in it. I have so many memories there and it isn't even my house. Holly told me that he is almost moved out. It will be so weird... the place being empty.. I don't know if I can handle it. The reason that I am so attatched to this house is because I have never really stayed in one of my own houses that long. My father gets bored with the scenery and we move. We move a lot. We always have. But, this house has always been there. The same old house, the same old furniture, the same smell and everything. I don't want him to sell it. I don't want him to move. I want things to stay the same. I am sick and tired of everything changing all the time. Why can't things just stay the same?