Just Too Late? � September 03, 2002
I Feel

*big sigh* Today has been well... hellish. I've only had one class so far but that is besides the point. I miss Adam. Terribly. I am waiting for him to call me but alas, he hasn't. I don't know when he is going to but I have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that because it is taking him so long to get a hold of me, that he has decided that he wants to be single and he just doesn't know how to tell me. I want him to just tell me if that is the case. None of the "I do love you I just can't be with you" crap that I have been fed before.

I want to hold him and tell him it's going to be okay. I want to take care of him for once. I want to be the one who is stable and knows what they want. But in other aspects, I want him to take charge of things and tell me what he wants to do, instead of just going along with what I want to do, to make me happy. I don't like getting my way all the time. No one does. Well there are a few people that do but they are just ill. I want to do stuff that he wants to do. I want to go bowling and I want to play video games. I want to go camping and fishing and hell, I want to go swimming. I want to do all of these things because I want to see him happy and I want to be happy with him. I also wish that he somehow reads this and sees what I am feeling because I have not heard from him and he won't know how I am feeling, and by then, it might just be too late. I don't want it to be too late.