This Place is Hell Too � 01.19.03
I Feel

I had a breakdown this morning when my parents were lecturing me about coming home when they told me not to. I flipped out and told them if they didn't want me to come home that I wouldn't come home for the rest of the semester. In fact I told them that I wouldn't come in the summer either. I was just sick of everything. I tried to leave and almost put my brother through a door because he was trying to be big and macho and he thinks he has authority over me. I am starting to hate my visits home. Really I am. It makes me wonder why the hell I ever go home in the first place. Oh yeah I remember now. This place is hell too. I just can't get away from it.

Speaking of this place being hell, I had no clue what I was in for when I came back to school today. We had a sorority function and I found out that a few of my sisters might be removed from the sorority because they did not attend retreat on Saturday, which I had a valid excuse to miss, and one of those sisters is my big. When I first watched "Sugar & Spice" I got offended at the part where they say "We aren't acting like cheerleaders. We're acting like a bunch of sorority girls." Now I know exactly what they mean. It just pisses me off that certain people can be on such a power trip, when the sisters that they are trying to remove have more seniority than they do. These sisters are trying to be involved but they do have lives other than the sorority. As do I. And it's not even about the fact that they are trying to get rid of my big. It's about the fact that they aren't acting like sisters. Perhaps I just had a different idea of what sisters were supposed to be. This is definitely not it though. We aren't supposed to talk behind each others back and plot to destroy one another. That's not how things are supposed to go and I don't like it one bit. This place is definitely hell for me right now. Oh well. One week down. 13 more to go.

I just walked about a mile back to my dorm from Pi Lams and in the middle of a snowstorm at that too! I have been here for half an hour and I am still ice cold. I am even sitting next to a heater. I am definitely a Christine-cicle right now. I am going to go and do my French homework, dethaw myself, and watch some television. It's been a long ass day.