Vampires & Sunrises � Feb. 25, 2002
I Feel

What is it about vampires that turns you on?

Mmmkay. Where do I start on this one? I have always been interested in the darker side of life. All of the unknown things just sort of excited me as a kid. I always loved medievil things and well, vampires are associated with that time period most often. I first got interested in the whole vampire thing when I started roleplaying, but I didn't really do anything with that obsession (best word for it?) until I started dating Chris for the second time. After we had broken up the first time, he became extremely involved with his religion. His religion is kind of hard to explain but it deals with the unholy things in life. All things evil. Chris seemed to develop a vampire fetish. When we started going out for the second time, he bit my neck one night and that was the start of it all. From then on, everything about it excited me. The thrill of the pain mixed with pleasure (if you like that sort of thing, but not many people do), the closeness that evolves when you do that, the after marks (a.k.a. puncture wounds in some instances) that keep a remembrance. You would think that after Chris and I broke up for the second time that I would have grown out of the fetish that I had developed, but no. It's still around and stronger than ever. I am just really attracted to guys like that. It's just one of those things of mine that no one can really explain. I just like dark things. It's how I always have been. And no, I do not need to go on Prozac (I was asked if I was on it the other day and boy was I pissed), before anyone starts asking. It's just my thing.

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This morning as I was taking my first bus ride to school in a week, I saw the most beautiful sunrise. Yes, for miles all you can see around here is housing plans, but if you look beyond all of the houses, all of the traffic, and beyond the stretch of trees, you see the most beautiful horizon in the morning. It was purplish and blue and the clouds around it looked like mountains springing fourth from the trees. Sun rays were bursting out from behind a cluster of clouds and the whole sceen was just breath taking. I wanted to sit on that bus forever. Honestly, the sight was so beautiful that I had to force myself to get off the bus. I just wanted to sit there, content, and stare at the sky forever. The clouds beyond all of that were beautiful as well. It seems that a few days after someone I know dies, I see about 20 or so jetstreams in the sky. Always. And they stay there for hours upon hours. It happened in the evening with Holly's grandfather. This morning was my grandmother's morning. The sky was massed with them and it made it look so ... beautiful up there. I keep using the word beautiful but well that's the only word I can think of right now to describe it. That is really what it was. So, my whole scene on the bus ride there was spectacular. I was in amazement. I should get up and watch the sunrise sometime on the weekend. It would be fun.